


Bonding

by CancerianWastelandCat



Series: [ VENOM ] [8]
Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: AU History, AU explanation, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Bonding, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fantasy, Fantasy Creatures, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, Hybrids, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Royalty, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22733494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerianWastelandCat/pseuds/CancerianWastelandCat
Summary: When Yuu wakes up, he's like a different person--but Kouyou listens, and both their hearts open up.
Relationships: Aoi/Uruha (the GazettE)
Series: [ VENOM ] [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/884037
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Bonding

Until then however, Kouyou spent the rest of the day hiding away like a hermit. 

Takanori came back after the king had left him, though it was only to nurse the cut in his palm. As he had been called to an emergency at the academy's athletic center which demanded his presence as soon as possible, Kouyou understood. And admittedly, he was still very much against the idea of letting anybody into Yuu's bedroom but after Takanori had pleaded with him to _please show some reason,_ he’d had to allow them in. With how weak his arm felt, it _was_ true that he couldn't have gotten anything done by himself. Kouyou had given them a critical glance nonetheless when they’d begun to work. At least they were being silent.

Once Takanori had left him too, Kouyou dragged himself to the work top of the open kitchen. It wasn't even noon yet and exhaustion was already munching away at his bones. That, and the words still echoing in every fiber of his body.

_I won't tolerate your filthy blood._

_I'll make sure you won't be standing anywhere anymore._

Icy cold water splashed into his face. Kouyou rubbed his palm over his eyes and mouth as fervently as the muscles in his injured arm would allow, like he was trying to wipe the memory out of his mind. He washed his forehead, his cheeks and his neck too, and gulped down water in hopes it would cool himself from the inside out. It did nothing. 

Kouyou sighed as he made his way back to the couch, plonking down on it. Takanori hadn't asked a single thing about the king's visit and while part of him was relieved by that, he couldn't help but wonder why. Was it because Takanori had known what was going to happen? Did he know how deep the hate for half-bloods was running in their society? That their very king perpetuated it? What if his best friend secretly felt the same towards him? 

A brusque scoff left him. 

"Now you're being ridiculous," Kouyou scolded himself. No, it wasn't possible. Like Takanori had said himself earlier, the situation was overwhelming. Kouyou knew his mind was starting to toy with him. He needed a distraction, needed to think about something else. With an exasperated breath, he hoisted himself up from the couch again. He had to change into different clothes first. Sweat was glueing his uniform to his back and even though there were no visible traces of it anywhere, the stench of blood clung persistently to the fabric. He had to get out of it.

When he turned to the bedroom, he was surprised to see the door closed. Wait, hadn't they still been at work just ten minutes ago? Kouyou frowned. There had to be some sort of magic involved here if he hadn't even heard them leave. And so swiftly, too? They had to be fairies or something. But well, he could only see the good in that. Having staff scurrying around him all day wasn't exactly something he was keen on after what had happened. Honestly, the only thing he wanted to do was _rest._ Maybe he would even find some sleep?

Kouyou’s thoughts were interrupted after he had slid the door to the bedroom open. He almost couldn't believe his eyes. Almost, because after seeing the color _leave,_ it wasn't so far off that it would _come back_ eventually. Nevertheless, it was a weird sight, and not only because Yuu still looked like he was (literally) dead. The bed sheets had returned to their bright cremé color and the bed frame and the posts had lightened from black to a warm tone of mahogany. The curtains had been replaced with new ones and were only starting to gain back their sheen, the tips of them colored in a rich navy blue. At the top it blended into the grey it had been before. Was that Yuu’s doing? Was he releasing the life back into the surroundings he’d sucked it out of earlier? And did that mean that he was already doing better? Kouyou wanted to think that. 

It was a bit of a difficult task though, prying himself loose from where he stood by the door watching Yuu like some creep; especially because the longer he looked the more he was convinced that he had never seen a man more breathtaking before. There was something about him, something about how vulnerable he looked, how … attackable. If his encounter with the king had been any indication at all, Yuu’s childhood hadn’t been very easy, had it? All the pressure and later the worry about his sick mother, the expectations and rules that came with being the crown prince? Maybe Kouyou could consider himself lucky to be a peasant in that regard. 

Either way, he really had to change into something less tight than this uniform of his. Kouyou puffed out the breath he'd been holding and approached the closet to fetch a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. He reached into the shelf but then his hand froze mid-air. Couldn't he…? Slowly his eyes slid over to Yuu's side of the wardrobe. Kouyou wanted so bad to slip into one of his shirts… He bit his lip. Just plucking one out without asking was a _little_ inappropriate, wasn't it? He could just wait until Yuu woke up and then ask but that was most definitely going to end in quite an embarrassment for him. Then again, was Yuu really going to care at all? Kouyou gave his sleeping form a glance through the mirror at the front of the closet. Probably not. 

And so he concluded it was fine to act a bit like a schoolboy with his first crush. He deserved to indulge himself a little too, right? Suppressing a giggle, Kouyou opened the second door and came face to face with Yuu's wardrobe. There… wasn't much to choose from. Kouyou had no idea what he had expected. Hawaii shirts? No, most of it was white button-ups for underneath a uniform, and then there were several tank tops in grey and black. 

"Please tell me there's some color in here," Kouyou murmured to himself and began to dig towards the back of the compartments. Yeah, he just had to arrange this all neatly again and no one would even notice! Eventually he laid eyes on a red t-shirt at the very back. Pulled out it looked more like a warm shade of maroon and Kouyou caught himself smiling at the thought of Yuu wearing it. This color against his lightly tanned skin and his pitch-black hair… Had to be a sight to behold. 

But anyway; after nudging himself out of his daydreaming, Kouyou peeled himself out his uniform and slipped into the shirt and a pair of fresh boxer shorts. He took his backpack with him on the way out and it was only now that he felt the weight of it that he remembered the book Suzuki had lent him. Perhaps giving it a flip-through would help him find the rest he needed; or lull him to sleep right away depending on how boring it really was.

Kouyou took it out and grabbed one of the thick, grey blankets from one side of the U-shaped leather couch. He cuddled into a corner, the surface cool against his naked legs, and tucked himself in under the fine wool before placing the book in his lap, its gilded cover looking up at him. _Living Eternal - Core Knowledge_ was written on the front, the letters carved into the cover material and surrounded by delicate, red and gold leaf patterns. For how fancy it looked, it sure sounded like a textbook for first-graders; which, in a way, Kouyou figured he was. In the field of Eternals anyway. 

The very first page was an index, which he didn’t pay much mind to except for noting the number of the chapter about Poisoning Suzuki had mentioned. For now Kouyou felt a lot more like simply discovering whatever there was to learn, or whatever his eyes would catch. As he carefully turned page after page, he noticed how smooth they felt beneath his fingertips, well worn and even carrying a faint musky smell. Who knew how long this had been standing in the professor’s shelf.

Soon, his eyes became stuck on a diagram. A pie diagram, to be exact, titled _Pureness Distribution_ and while it was easy to understand, it left a very dry and bitter taste in Kouyou's mouth, sparking his memory of the encounter with the king. Closing his eyes for a second, he chased the images away and decided it was best not to spend too much time on this particular page. When he scanned the diagram and its description, it came as no surprise that the upper 10% were reserved for the royal family; first-class Eternals. Now it made sense what Takanori had said about ‘third-class Eternals’, too. He’d referred to those who barely had any vampire blood in them, the lowest 15%. It was, however, a little unexpected to read that the rarest kind with only 4% of their population, and Kouyou's breath hitched upon reading that, were _hybrids_ . Not royals, _hybrids_ just like him! 

Or well, not entirely like him. His initial excitement quickly dissipated when he realized that this referred only to a very specific kind of hybrid: those who combined two perfect halves in themselves; those who reached a level of exactly 50, and not a single drop of human blood more or less. Kouyou gulped. He had been 0,3% away from being one of the rarest creatures in their entire spectrum?

“Not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing,” he muttered to himself. 

Underneath the diagram stood a list, ranking what Kouyou assumed were the purest Eternals to date, but he turned the page before he could be tempted to check it out. There was enough pressure on him as it was; he really didn't _need_ to know just how high Yuu’s name was going to be on that list.

The next couple of spreads dealt with a lot of politics. Complicated stuff that Kouyou knew he should probably inform himself about at one point but couldn’t muster the patience to deal with right now. Two chapters later he found something that interested him a bit more. _Eternal Bond_ , it said at the top.

> _The Eternal Bond is created once in a lifetime. Its completion must not under any circumstances be feigned, forced, circumvented or jeopardized. It is thus far unparalleled in terms of strength and depth, binding together two parties whose biological as well as mental footprints do not only complement but also complete one another after initiation (cf. p. 56). This includes the two parties’ pureness levels-_

Kouyou scoffed. There was _no_ escape from this “pureness” talk, was there?

> _\- which are usually situated close to each other. While the gap in-between the two tends to negate the dynamics of the relationship, general consensus suggests that_ **_45_ ** _is the_ **_maximum_ ** _this gap can amount for. There is only very little leeway thought possible to this rule, as no cases to prove the exception have been recorded in history. Parties whose levels are further apart than 45 are extremely unlikely to match and considered incapable of completing a bond._

He blinked at the page, then looked up, thinking. His brain felt fried from everything that had happened today but he did manage some basic math. Yuu was a 96,9. He was a 50,3. Subtract that and- 

_“What?”_

Clearing his throat, Kouyou sat up properly and rubbed his fingertips over his forehead. Then over his eyes too, just to make sure he was seeing right, before checking the text again. No, it clearly said 45. 

“But that’s not- ”

He gaped. Then it hit him, and he snapped the book shut, staring at it some more. 

“Oh my God.” 

Instantly his thoughts began to race. Maybe this book was just too old. Maybe this was outdated information. Most likely Suzuki had given it to him merely for him to read up on the Poisoning. He had forgotten to mention that the numbers written in it couldn’t be trusted since they weren't up-to-date anymore. Right? Because there was no way that Takanori had taken his blood sample after his night with Yuu, had tested it for compatibility and then sent him off all while _knowing_ that Kouyou _didn't actually belong here._

He reached for his phone where it lay on the coffee table and pulled up Takanori’s contact. Even after two minutes of letting it ring, there was no response. He hung up again. 

“Damn it.”

Kouyou wiped his mouth. Yuu and him … were too far apart. Their gap was _bigger_ than 45. But this couldn't be true! There had to be a mistake somewhere! Something had to be wrong, either his own level or the damn book or _something._ Questions over questions over scenario over scenario tossed and turned inside Kouyou’s mind like water in a tibetian singing bowl. Had Takanori known all this time? Suzuki? Did Yuu know? Was Yuu aware that none of this was supposed to be happening, that _they_ weren't supposed to be _possible?_ And if so, why had nobody told _him?_

Gulping, he roughed a hand through his hair. The king sure as hell had to have known. Kouyou groaned as he finally understood that _this_ was the reason for the man’s hatred towards him. It was all the more upsetting once he realized just how close he’d been to leading a normal life, too. Now, the opportunity had been snatched mercilessly out of his hands. Something had gone horribly wrong, but

if it hadn’t… What if he wasn't actually meant to be with Yuu? He still would have made it into the academy, that was for sure, he still would have laid eyes on Yuu at the semester’s opening ceremony but maybe it never would’ve been _more._ Yuu would have disappeared off the stage, back into his own world, and Kouyou’s reverie would have stayed just that; a silly crush on the pretty prince on TV. And eventually he would have found someone else to match with who _didn’t_ throw his entire life upside down. So many _would-have_ s. 

None of it was going to happen. Kouyou was here, Yuu’s venom flowing through his veins and he was stuck with having to make the best out of it. Guilt started nagging at his gut upon that thought. He didn't want to complain per se, he _wanted_ to be with Yuu after all. Kouyou was in love with him; that was a fact untouched by his skyrocketing fears. 

He lifted his head and gazed towards the bedroom door; safely closed, protecting Yuu from harm while he healed. Were they going to tear him away from him? 

“God, don't even think about it right now,” he whispered to himself and shook his head, once again pressing his fingers to his eyes in an attempt to soothe his rioting thoughts. “Don’t think about it.” 

He remained unmoving for a moment or two in an attempt to clear his mind, and a much needed breath later, the book was back in his lap. Getting distracted and panicking wasn't going to be of any help right now, he figured. There was little chance, but perhaps he could find an explanation as he read on. He skipped over everything he’d just read and jumped straight to the middle of the book, where the portion about the ‘initiation’ was preceded by the one chapter Kouyou had actually been wanting to read all this time. 

_ Poisoning - Start of a New Eternity _

He huffed. “A bit dramatic now, are we…”

The wall of text before his eyes began with an overdose of technical biological terms none of which rang any bells. Fine, so Takanori had been right in asking him where he’d been in biology. But that didn't mean he was dumb; he understood it all after a thorough read-through. Apparently an Eternal’s venom was actually an enzyme contained in saliva, as unique as a fingerprint and its strength was dependent on the pureness of one’s blood (of course). A high pureness level—they kept abbreviating it with ‘PL’—guaranteed a strong venom, which in turn provided for almost instantaneous healing capabilities, an eerily precise ability to _read_ people and an equally infallible skill to kill them. All very reassuring pieces of information.

The chapter then went on to explain the poisoning process. Here, too, Kouyou managed to wrap his head around the details quite well. An Eternal’s bite triggered the ingestion of their venom into the Ateor’s bloodstream, where it would penetrate the white blood cells and scatter through their DNA. It could even travel as far as the _brain,_ clutch onto specific senses or character traits and enhance them. Though that happened arbitrarily, as far as Kouyou understood. The more he thought about it, the more familiar it sounded. Hadn’t this happened to him earlier when he’d absolutely freaked out at the idea of letting anybody into Yuu’s bedroom? Perhaps his venom had been the reason his protectiveness had gone through the roof that moment.

And the more he read about it, the more he was fascinated by it as well. For simply being an enzyme, this venom did some pretty amazing things, didn't it? The whole thing read a little like it was literally ‘taking over’ the Ateor’s body, sizzling into its deepest crevices and forging an untouchable, yet unbreakable connection. Kouyou thought it sounded ominous. 

The next thing catching his gaze was an obnoxiously large textbox at the very bottom of the page. At its top margin it said **_WARNING_ **in bold print, as if the thick red frame wasn’t prominent enough. It served its purpose though; Kouyou’s eyes instinctively began flying across the words. 

> _Do not_ **_ever_** _attempt to poison someone unless you are completely sure they are your Ateor._ **_The bite of an Eternal is absolutely lethal to anyone not meant to be bitten._** _Should you feel unsure, it is urgently recommended to seek a professional compatibility test. If they are not your destined Ateor, they_ **_will not_** _develop a resistance to your venom and your bite_ **_will_** _kill them._

Kouyou huffed, again. Now it really did sound like a school book. The warning was crystal-clear, and so were the implications Kouyou found laced in-between the lines.  
  
As time passed and pages turned, he was beginning to think that picking up this book might’ve not been the smartest of ideas after all. The next chapter covered the initiation, a ceremony the description of which sounded way too much like a wedding for Kouyou's taste—complete with exchanging vows and blood and banquets and pretty attire. Reading it widened his eyes into saucers in a matter of minutes, and the paragraph about _the night_ _after_ the ceremony? It had his cheeks lighting up so blazing red he couldn’t even finish the whole thing. Yeah, if anything, this was definitely not a read for first-graders.

By the time Kouyou had finished flipping through the book and was closing it again, he felt about as rattled as he would after a rollercoaster ride. He stared down at the cover. Summed up, Yuu really had sort of become a part of him, he both was _and wasn’t_ supposed to be alive and on top of it all, he was going to have the most transcendent sexual experience of his life not so long from now.

“I need a nap.” 

Sitting up, he stowed the book away inside his backpack and carried the bag over to the bedroom door where he leaned it against the wall. If he kept it a bit away from him, he would at least not be tempted to reach for it again; or so he told himself. He plodded back to the couch, yawning as he plucked three pillows off where they had been nicely arranged and shoved them all into the corner he’d sat in. Yes, he liked to sleep in a bit of a fort. No one could tell him he couldn’t.

Kouyou crawled underneath the blanket and sank into the cushions. No sooner had he pulled it up under his nose, than he noticed he’d forgotten to close the curtains before the large glass front opposite him. The next moment he realized there weren’t any curtains to begin with. For sure then there was a button to dim the glass somewhere but getting up and searching for it had unfortunately _just_ left the realm of what he found himself capable of doing. So turning onto his other side and closing his eyes would have to make do. 

It didn’t take long until languidness began sinking into his bones and fatigue forced his eyelids to droop.

* * *

Hours later, a velvety whisper nudged Kouyou out of his sleep in the gentlest of ways. The voice brushed along his jaw like a feathery caress, its words weightless and indecipherable. Kouyou didn’t recognize it. And as he slowly blinked his eyes open, there was barely an echo left of it and he wondered whether it hadn’t just been a dream. 

Either way, he was awake and his throat was yearning for something to drink. Kouyou sat up, careful not to put too much pressure on his injured arm. The pain had mostly subsided by now, though it still stung when he touched right atop the bandage. He figured that as long as he didn't fiddle with it deliberately, it was going to be fine. 

As soon as he realized that the floor lamps in the corners of the room were on, Kouyou frowned in surprise. Outside the glass front, evening had already fallen. How long had he been asleep? Grabbing his phone from the coffee table, he tapped the screen, which greeted him with a time stamp stating 7:54pm and a single message from Takanori. 

**Taka, 4:13pm**  
_Let me know if you need anything._

Kouyou sighed. Frankly, the one thing he needed from Takanori was the truth about how this ‘mistake’ had happened but right now he didn't want to have to deal with that either.

After folding the blanket back, he placed it by the foot end of the couch and pushed himself to his feet. They led him into the kitchen again, where he opened the fridge to examine its contents. The diversity here was putting Yuu’s closet to shame. The shelves were brimming with fresh vegetables, fish, tightly sealed meat and a whole plethora of … cheese? Kouyou made a mental note to ask about that at one point, but right now he _really_ needed a drink and didn't feel like focusing on the mystery that were Yuu’s eating habits (not the human nor the other ones). From the door compartments he took a bottle of multivitamin juice, which had been standing neatly arranged next to other bottles of milk and sparkling wine and a very red liquid he didn’t even want to look at too closely. It took almost ten minutes of rummaging through the cupboards until he’d finally found a glass. But in the very second he lifted the bottle to pour out the juice, Kouyou’s ears picked up on an entirely different sound; the one sound he had been aching to hear all day. He placed the juice down again and turned around, brushing his hair behind his ear before he concentrated on his hearing. For a moment there was only silence and Kouyou almost began to think he’d imagined it, that his mind had played another trick on him. But no, there it was again—the soft sound of a deep, lung-filling intake of breath. Kouyou’s chest fell with relief. _Yuu had started breathing again._

Leaving the drink and his glass alone, he made his way over and slowly slid the bedroom door open. A stripe of soft yellow light from the living room flooded inside and Kouyou’s breath almost got stuck in his throat once his eyes fell upon the blanket, rising and falling in the steady pace of Yuu’s breaths. The feeling of relief washing over him was terribly overwhelming; like it came straight from his core and spread heat into every remote corner of his body. Yuu was _okay._

Kouyou licked his lips and approached the bed. He sank down on the edge of it as cautiously as he could, reaching out to switch on the bedside lamp and let more warm light cast upon Yuu’s face. He allowed his eyes to linger. Yuu’s hair wasn’t sweaty any longer, a light curl dangling into his forehead, his lashes threw blurry shadows onto his cheekbones and his expression was free of any pain. Kouyou almost felt tears starting to choke him up. Then Yuu began to stir and he quickly gulped them down.

When his eyes first fluttered open, Yuu seemed as though he didn't quite know where he was. The small frown creasing his forehead dissipated soon, as he caught sight of Kouyou sitting next to him in the wardrobe mirror. He turned his head, and Kouyou's heart all but leaped out of his chest at the soft smile he was gifted. Nothing was left of the blackness in Yuu's eyes. The rich fawn color had brought them to life again, so deep Kouyou just knew he would lose his sanity in them one day. 

“Hey,” he smiled fondly.

"Hey," Yuu said, his voice gruff. 

"How do you feel?" 

Yuu took another deep breath and heaved his body upwards, seating himself against the headboard before he closed his eyes again. Was it too bright still? 

"Okay," he murmured. 

Kouyou averted his gaze from Yuu’s chest, left bare after the blanket had slid down, and nodded, releasing his breath.  
  
“I’m glad. You were out for quite some time, I didn’t know when you would…”

The phrase got lost somewhere in his mind. It was so difficult to put his thoughts in order, especially with all this new information he’d learned from Suzuki’s book. The silence was _awkward._ Kouyou desperately wanted to find a way to address the elephant in the room, or at least one of them seeing how there were a _couple_ things he needed to know about, but he found none. Fortunately though, he didn’t have to, for now. Yuu shifted next to him, sitting up properly until he could rest his arms on his knees. 

“How long was I gone for?” he asked, his eyes roaming around the perfectly tidy room. Kouyou swallowed as he watched him brush a hand through his hair. 

“Um… almost twelve hours? I’m not sure. Oh,” a thought struck his mind and he straightened, “do you need something? To drink or something to eat? I can- ”  
  
“I’m fine, Kouyou.”

Kouyou’s mouth closed. Right, that was … a dumb question. Even though he slapped himself inwardly for asking it, Yuu’s tone hadn’t been harsh. It was quite the opposite actually, Kouyou noticed once their eyes met. Yuu’s smile had never left his lips. The warmness radiating from it and the reassurance made the embarrassment crawling up Kouyou’s spine a little more bearable. He looked down to where he had unconsciously started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Well, Yuu’s shirt. 

_I’m fine,_ he’d said. But was he really? How _fine_ could he possibly be after losing his mother? Kouyou bit his lip. He wanted to think that the worst part was over now, that Yuu’s grief had been taken care of during his shutdown, but something in him told him otherwise. Perhaps it was the memories of his own childhood that whispered to him, reminding him that he had once experienced a pain similar to Yuu’s, yet not quite the same. Kouyou had never known his mother to begin with after all. He hadn’t been forced to watch her slowly come closer and closer to death over the years. 

“I’m sorry.”

Kouyou’s brows rose as he looked up. Wasn’t that what _he_ was supposed to say? But he was still chewing on his lip, and it was Yuu who was gulping now. It only took a couple seconds for Kouyou to notice that the prince’s eyes had found the bandages around his lower arm and palm. Ah, there it was. The elephant. 

“Don’t be,” Kouyou shook his head. If there was one thing he felt confident of, it was that there was absolutely no need for Yuu to justify himself. Yet, the longer he looked at the covered wounds, the more distressed Yuu’s expression seemed to become. Kouyou moved instinctively to cover the gauze around his forearm with his hand.

“You took what you needed, Yuu. You don’t have to apologize for that.”  
  
“That doesn’t make it okay. I know how painful our bites are. I know I hurt you.” 

In a second attempt of defence, Kouyou’s mouth opened but his mind berated him before words could come out. Yuu was right, and Kouyou knew that. The bite had been the most painful thing he’d experienced and there was no denying that. So he nodded.

“You did,” he said and, scared of what he would find in the touch, reached out to take Yuu’s hand in his. Yuu didn’t seem surprised or confused or any of the likes. His lips no longer showed a smile though, and only regret marbled his features. Kouyou’s heart picked up its pace just a little as he laced their fingers together and placed his palm on top of Yuu’s hand.

“You did,” he repeated, his voice a bit stronger, “but I chose to let you. I knew I was the only one who could help you, I _needed_ to help you. So please don’t feel guilty. It was my choice.”

Yuu gave him nothing but a thoughtful look in return but try as he might, Kouyou couldn’t read it. Something was still hidden in the depth of his eyes, something that he kept buried on purpose. Then again, Yuu likely had a whole treasure chest full of secrets, collected through the decades. Kouyou decided he wasn’t going to dig up any of them. Being honest was for the best, he figured, and maybe one day the Eternal prince would open up his mind for him. As he gazed down eventually, brushing his thumb lightly across the smooth skin on Yuu’s knuckles, images of blood and scratches flashed before his eyes and his chest tightened. Yuu shifted intuitively. 

“Kouyou?” 

“I- ”

His throat constricted and pressure coiled around his vocal chords. Kouyou knew Yuu could pick up on his emotions, that he could hear his heart beat wildly within his ribcage, and that there was only so much he could do to hide it. His voice was a murmur when he spoke, thick with the threat of tears.

“I was scared. I... I didn’t understand what was happening but I knew I had to do something. I-I didn't want you to hurt. But I was so scared that... I would lose you somehow.” 

Yuu withdrew. His chest rose with an intake of breath and Kouyou half thought that this was it; that his honesty had backfired. Any sort of emotion expressed towards him made Yuu recoil, didn’t it? No matter of which nature it was. The thought that maybe Yuu had never really experienced fondness from anyone other than his dead mother anguished Kouyou’s heart. Had he ever loved someone… romantically, Kouyou wondered. Or was he even capable of it? Both of these were questions Kouyou wasn’t so sure he wanted to know the answers to; if only because he was afraid of what it would mean for himself. Though it seemed that one of the answers he’d wanted lay right in front of him at this very moment. 

Yuu hadn’t pulled away entirely. His fingers gently encompassed Kouyou’s bandaged hand and he lifted it, placing a light kiss against his palm. Kouyou could only watch in awe. 

“You won’t,” the prince said. “I promise you.” 

For a while, Kouyou didn’t know how to react. Whether it was because his heart had completely stopped beating three years too early or because his mind had simply slipped from him, he didn’t know. It might have very well been a combination of both. Kouyou only managed to stop his embarrassing staring once he felt a blush creep into his cheeks and a shy, little laugh bubbled up his throat. If he hadn't known better he could've sworn Yuu's smile suddenly had a bit of a boyish touch to it when he lowered their joined hands back down. Kouyou pulled his back and took a deep breath. 

"Okay, well… uh, I- I'll leave you to get dressed then."

Yuu nodded. "Okay. And then there's something I'd like to show you."

Kouyou frowned. _Show_ him? What was that supposed to mean? Despite how badly he wanted to ask, he didn't press further for now. He smiled one last time before he rose from the bed and left Yuu to himself. Damn, his cheeks still felt hot even after he’d brought some distance between himself and the bedroom. Clearing his throat, Kouyou returned to the juice he had abandoned and poured it into the glass. It was cool and refreshing but nowhere near enough to cure the heat in his cheeks. He could still feel Yuu’s direct gaze on him, akin to the eyes of a portrait that followed him wherever he turned. Somehow Yuu was … different. He seemed so calm and collected. And now he wanted to _show_ him something? What was going on?

The bedroom door slid open ten minutes later and Yuu stepped out. Dressed in loose sweatpants and a black tank top, he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. Kouyou almost wanted to laugh at the sight now that he knew Yuu’s closet didn’t consist of much else, but it seemed Yuu was _equally_ aware that he knew _._ That lifted eyebrow was no doubt meant for the red shirt Kouyou had on. As if to scold him for what he’d done, Yuu narrowed his eyes at him, looking him up and down. Kouyou looked down at himself, gulped and showed an apologetic grin.

“Um. I can explain?”

Maybe he should have changed into longer shorts too? Not stay in the ones that only went mid-thigh... Now it was too late.

“No need,” Yuu said. “You should change into longer pants, though.”

Kouyou hesitated. Was this a trick? Yuu had no reason to trick him into anything.

“No need to get high blood pressure either, Kouyou,” Yuu said then and Kouyou’s blush returned with full force. Damn their stupid high senses. He sniffed in thought. As much as he tried not to let it, his curiosity slowly came up to nibble at the edges of his mind. What was it that Yuu wanted to show him? Was this a good idea now of all times? But it wasn’t like he had a choice if Yuu asked him, right? Or like he could deny him anything. 

Kouyou had to put his glass down before he could bridge the distance between them. His heart briefly stumbled over a couple of beats but he managed to catch it before his breath could hitch. 

“Yuu, I...,” he began once the prince had met his eyes, because he still felt like he had to reassure him, “regardless of what it is, I want you to know that it can wait. You know? I understand if you’d rather be by yourself at the moment. We don't have to… act like nothing happened.” 

Yuu gazed down at where their hands had intuitively found one another again, sucking in air. 

“Perhaps I would just … like to be alone with you for a bit. Not here.”

Reality washed across his face in the form of a bitter smile, as though he’d realized what it was that he was feeling; as though he had burned himself on it, and he blinked it away and moved back. 

“But I'm probably being silly.”

“No- !” 

Kouyou instinctively took a step forward. His fingers closed tightly around Yuu’s, not letting go, and he shook his head imploringly. Nothing pained him more than the thought that, _even now,_ Yuu was denying himself to feel. Just how often had he yearned for comfort all this time and never received any? 

“No, it’s okay,” Kouyou smiled encouragingly as he looked into Yuu's eyes. “Let’s go.”

Yuu’s shoulders fell in what must have been relief. He swallowed, then nodded. No ten minutes later, Kouyou found himself dressed in longer pants, wandering the academy’s empty hallways. He knew evening classes were still on-going, though not in this wing of the building it seemed. There was an eeriness to the echo of their footsteps that he couldn’t quite grasp. Moonlight filtered through the man-high windows that towered to their sides, dipping the corridors in an unreal, pale white shimmer. _This has to be what angel feathers look like,_ Kouyou thought. Yuu was walking next to him silently, nodding at the security guards when they bowed to him. Every fifty metres they passed one of these; clad in elegant, dark red uniforms they stood and stared at nothing, like statues undoubtedly ready to jump into action at any given second. They all had their hands behind their backs and very serious expressions on their faces, but Kouyou found his eyes more drawn to the handguns on their hips anyway. While they were, of course, all fastened securely into holsters, the grips of them looked like they were made of _gold; real_ gold. As he focused his vision, Kouyou could make out patterns like vines chiselled into the material, the empty spaces between them filled with what he could only assume were rubies. 

“Do they freak you out?” 

He had to blink a couple times before being able to break away from staring at the men over his shoulder. 

“Huh? Oh. Well, I guess they're on par with the guy with the spear at your elevator. Just that they've got guns. And they’re gold.”  
  
Yuu snickered at his remark. 

“Yeah, they're made specifically for the RPS,” he said and turned a corner. “They’re quite a sight, if a little too ostentatious in my opinion. But they’re my life insurance so I have no right to complain.” 

The hallway they were in now was less guarded, leading up to a single door at its very end. A single man had taken up his post right in front of it. Kouyou would’ve given in to his curiosity and asked what lay behind it, had it not been for how entirely enamored he suddenly was by watching Yuu _giggle_ at his own joke. Had he ever even _heard_ him giggle, or laugh for that matter? Kouyou was pretty sure he hadn't, which made the sound of it all the more fascinating. It had such lightheartedness to it, even a bit of nonchalance; looking at him it was absurd to think this was a man who’d lost his mother mere hours ago. _Always full of surprises,_ Kouyou thought. _Like my life, I guess._ He could only assume that the notion of whatever was behind this door had Yuu particularly looking forward to it. 

“Matei,” Yuu said then, stopping in his tracks as they had reached the end of the corridor. It took Kouyou a whole four seconds to realize that Yuu was, in fact, acknowledging the man before them by his name, not giving some sort of magical, ominous password they needed to be allowed to pass.

The security guard gave them a dutiful smile, thin strands of light brown hair falling from his otherwise neatly bound ponytail as he bowed deeply before Yuu. 

“Your Highness.”

Lifting his head, he then even granted Kouyou a smaller, yet equally polite bow of his head, and Kouyou instantly began fidgeting in his spot. Not knowing how to react in the brevity of the moment, all he could manage was a smile of his own but it felt weirdly crooked. He was flabbergasted; had he just been … paid respect to? Kouyou’s eyes danced around the man’s face. The expression on it was sincere, even more so as he turned back to face the prince. Kouyou swallowed. No doubt. _He_ had just been paid respect to; recognized as someone deserving of deference for the very first time. Had they all received a circular with his photo attached or something or how did this guy, Matei, know who he was? Or didn't he and it was only because he was with Yuu? Either way, considering how it actually sort of _felt nice_ , Kouyou decided he didn't necessarily need to know. He quite liked this warm prickling sensation spreading throughout his chest, even if he couldn't explain where it stemmed from. For now he turned his attention back to watching the two men’s interaction. 

“On behalf of the entire Royal Protection Service, please allow me to express my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother, Your Highness,” Matei was saying, shaking Yuu’s hand confidently. “Her kind heart and spirit will be greatly missed by all of us.”

Yuu nodded in wordless gratitude. There was something about the way they looked at each other so amicably, how Yuu hadn’t even blinked before accepting Matei’s handshake, that made Kouyou wonder on what terms the two stood to each other. Were they close perhaps? Although he didn't know whether Yuu had any friends, he could easily imagine how tough his childhood must have been without any. Squeezing in time for a simple play date with a friend amidst all his studies, military training and political education sounded nearly impossible. 

“I’d like to show him the greenhouse,” Yuu said at that moment, nodding his head at Kouyou whose ears had picked up. _A greenhouse?_

“If you could make sure we won’t be disturbed.” 

Matei was already on the move, finally opening the damn door they’d been standing in front of all this time. And indeed, it _actually_ led outside! A gust of fresh night air rushed into Kouyou’s lungs, playing with the tips of his hair while Matei stepped through and promptly scanned the surrounding area. Then he turned to them again and nodded. 

“Absolutely, Your Highness.” 

When Yuu extended his arm towards him invitingly, Kouyou didn't even have to be told. He _adored_ plants. Herbs even more so, but honestly any type of plant would suffice to make him fuss way more than any normal person would. So the mention of a _greenhouse?_ Kouyou wouldn’t have been surprised had Yuu heard his pulse starting to race; though that wasn't too say Yuu’s hand on his lower back was _entirely_ innocent in the matter. It was only _a little_ distracting (not enough to distract him from the greenhouse though).

This time as they passed him, Matei even gave him a friendly smile with his bow. Somehow the man was radiating such trustworthiness, Kouyou could not not grin back at him in an equal manner. If Yuu trusted him alone to watch over them, so could he.

Outside, an enormous bush of climbing plants crept up the walls of the building and out from its shadows stepped another man. With torch light flickering across his face and attire, Kouyou recognized him as another security guard straight away. Him and Matei exchanged words in a language Kouyou didn't understand, then the man bowed to them and disappeared inside, presumably to take Matei’s place. 

The more he looked around, the more Kouyou thought he’d figured out where exactly they were. It seemed they had entered the academy’s gardens—located behind the royal tower where their apartment lay—and more specifically, the part that was out of bonds for the common students. Though secluded, it was vast, interspersed with hedgerows both tall and short and spiked with waterspout fountains that the moonlight was bouncing off of like off a thousand tiny mirrors. Now that he knew he was allowed to, Kouyou couldn't wait to wander about these grounds in daylight. His eyes weren't very well trained for darkness.

At some point while he had been gazing around all awestruck, Yuu had taken his hand again. Kouyou—awfully hyperaware of Yuu’s fingers closed around his own—let himself be led away from the open terrain. They headed towards what first appeared like a large, particularly wild growing hedge but soon turned out to be a rose arch instead; very romantic indeed. Not that he knew much of romance, not the kind that truly consumed you anyway. Still, strolling through the sweet, enticing scent of a myriad of red roses, seeing the moonlight filter through their leaves and onto his skin where the warmth of the summer night was prickling, all while a very handsome prince was holding his hand? Most definitely unprecedented in terms of romance in Kouyou’s book. He didn't even mind the silence they were walking in. 

It wasn't entirely silent of course, it rarely ever was for people like them. Leaves and twigs cracked beneath their feet and the tweeting and chirruping of nocturnal birds resounded somewhere in the distance; though it wasn't as crisp of a sound for Kouyou than it probably was for Yuu. The only noise Kouyou occasionally perceived very clearly, besides their own footsteps, came from the back, reminding him that Matei was trailing behind them at a close yet respectful distance (maybe he was feeling the romance too). When the guard lifted his foot to step over a thick, moss-covered tree branch, Kouyou could hear the fabric of his holster rustling against the gun it was holding. _Would he really draw it if needed,_ Kouyou wondered.

Passing through the rose arch took them longer than he had expected. After close to ten minutes, they stepped out on the other end and Kouyou's eyes almost flew out of their sockets at the sight. A grand building with curved walls of glass and rusted metal was towering in front of him, so tall he almost had to recline his head to view it all. From its roof a moonlit dome upheaved into the sky, giving the structure a weirdly flattened bell-like shape. Ivy had completely covered the top of the protruding entrance door, branches drooping off its edges like scraps of a blanket softly undulating in the breeze. Kouyou stood before the opening to an enchanted cave, or at least that was what he felt like; even more so because of those _light things_ he had spotted flying around inside it. Tiny spheres of light, red and purple and azure, bouncing behind the stained, murky window glass. Fireflies perhaps?

Or their magical counterpart, which they had to have some of. Kouyou was pretty sure they usually didn't come in colour. 

“This is amazing,” he managed to get out, turning to give Yuu a heartfelt smile. Yuu returned it and didn't even hesitate to tug him towards the door. 

“Wait until you’ve seen the inside of it,” he grinned and directed one last nod at Matei before turning the brassy knob; effectively opening the door to _paradise._

Kouyou barely knew in which direction to gape first—at which of the skyscraping plants to marvel first or which of all these colorful flowers he wanted to touch first. Ceiling-high Queen Palm trees rose up to his either side, lianas coiled firmly like snakes around their thick trunks while the ground was entirely overgrown with all sorts of shrubs and bushes Kouyou couldn't possibly name. But at the far back he recognized the big, round petals of Chinese Hibiscus sprouting in a luscious pink color through all the green and upon looking up towards the roof, he spotted a multitude of hanging pots. Kouyou watched like spellbound as a whole cluster of light balls danced around the Nigellas dangling from them. Their glow reflected off of the flower’s dark pink and purple leaves, making them look like they were moving or pulsating. It was mesmerizing for every single of his senses. The scents reaching his nose were so much more complex than the roses’ outside had been earlier; almost saccharine yet weirdly tart, musky, woody, aromas like honey and spices mingling with the humidity in the air. And from somewhere in the depths of the room, Kouyou could even make out the gurgle of water. How did places like this even exist? They had to be plucked straight out of a fairytale.

“I’m- Wow. This is stunning.” 

Yuu was just closing the door behind them with a faint _click_ when Kouyou faced him, a tiny light ball bobbing around in circles above his left shoulder and the fondness in his expression forced Kouyou's heart to stumble. _Well, at least I already have my fairytale prince right here._

“You like it?” Yuu asked, motioning towards the narrow pathway leading further into this jungle. It was barely broad enough for two people to stroll next to each other but it wasn't like Kouyou minded the proximity. At all. They began walking, and he nodded.

“I love it. I guess I have a thing for all sorts of plants and flowers. My mum did too, she even used to have her own little herbary.” 

Yuu hummed, his hands behind his back. Kouyou _just so_ kept himself from pouting at the fact they weren’t holding hands anymore. 

“We have a greenhouse three times bigger than this at the palace, where I grew up,” Yuu explained. “When I was little, all I wanted was to spend the entire day there playing with the birds and the pixies we had there, but obviously that wasn't possible.” 

“I was about to ask.” 

When their eyes met, their smiles had a sad tilt to them. Kouyou couldn't deny that even he sometimes tended to forget the obvious; that many centuries ago, Yuu had been a child just like anybody else.

What his people saw during ceremonies or official appearances in media was nothing but a slither of everything that he was; a testimony merely to the relentless, authoritarian upbringing he’d undoubtedly had to endure. 

Yuu nodded. “Yeah, I hardly ever had the time. But I do remember refusing to go to dance class and how they made me do it anyway so I threw tantrums. And afterwards I would always flee to our greenhouse.”

_“You?”_

Kouyou giggled incredulously. “You were really throwing tantrums?”

“What do you mean _‘you’?_ I was a kid! There’s nothing worse for a 10-year-old than having to learn the Waltz on a Sunday morning,” Yuu said, looking almost offended had it not been for the grin tugging on his lips. Kouyou joined in with his laughter and his chest instantly began to feel all warm and fuzzy. Was it the glasshouse’s fault that his cheeks were heating up? Or the fact that, even in his tank top and sweatpants, Yuu looked like a literal dark forest fairy amidst all these beautiful flowers? He didn't quite know, but God, he wanted to believe that this carefreeness wasn't only a side effect of what Yuu had gone through earlier in the day. He was _breathtaking_ like this.

Then, a deafening shriek rang out through the premise, so high-pitched it sent all hairs on Kouyou's arms _flying,_ and the sudden, huge shadow flashing across the ground before him stopped him dead in both his tracks and his thought process. 

“What the…? ”

“That’s Lola.” 

“Excuse me, _who?”_

Yuu snorted out a laugh. Apparently he didn’t feel as absolutely _horrified_ as Kouyou did right now.

“Lola. She’s a harpy eagle,” Yuu explained all matter-of-factly like he hadn't just uttered the word _harpy._ “She’s the pet I’ve had the longest now. When I moved to the academy to study again and asked them to build the greenhouse here, I brought her with me.” 

Kouyou wasn't quite sure what the expression on his face was saying, but it _surely_ wasn't speaking of reassurance. His brows were all furrowed up, and he might have as well looked at Yuu like he was a crazy person.

“So you’re telling me that noise came from your pet bird?” 

He pointed up towards the leaf canopy, following Yuu when he picked their walk back up. “Because that just sounded like it came straight out of a horror movie.”

Yuu chuckled, running his fingers through his hair with an apologetic tilt to his head.

“Yeah, unfortunately that’s what adult females sound like. But you don't have to be scared of her. They’re not very active at night and she doesn’t know you so she won’t come down from her nest. Screaming is just her way of acknowledging that I’m here.” 

Kouyou took a deep lungful of air. It did nothing to keep his voice from sounding overly squeaky when he’d wanted to go for sounding all calm and collected. 

“Okay. That’s fair.” 

There probably wasn't a single way one could sound calm and collected in a situation like this; at least not in the face of all the knowledge he had obtained today alone. His soulmate keeping a giant bird of prey as a pet felt like a tiny gimmick in comparison.

“My mother…,” Yuu began once more, pulling Kouyou out of his thoughts. A light smile was curling his lips as he spoke.

“She… had a special corner in our greenhouse at the palace for flowers with meanings. Did you know flowers had meanings? I asked her once why it was so important to her that they were well taken care of. She would ask our gardeners about them everyday. To me they were plants like all the others. Her answer was that sometimes she found it easier to express herself by giving people bouquets. I don't think I really understood what she meant when I was younger but now…”

They had just passed a hedgerow of white chrysanthemums when Yuu’s steps came to an abrupt halt. Taken aback, Kouyou watched pryingly as he reached out for them and, with as much caution as one could possibly show a plant, plucked one of the flowers off just underneath the pedicel. He held it in his palms, his lips parted for words to leave them and when none came, confusion knitted his brows. Yuu didn't understand what it was he was feeling, but Kouyou did. Kouyou recognized the way he gazed at the blossoms, like he was getting lost in his memories, all too well. Perhaps it would be better not to bring up what he had discovered in Suzuki’s book, he thought. In spite of everything Yuu had said, in spite of how much he might have been trying to hide it, his loss was coming to haunt him—and Kouyou could tell now why they were here.

Yuu’s chest trembled as it rose.

“I think what she meant was that when you live as long as she did, you eventually run out of words to say,” he finished his thought before he turned, holding the flower out to Kouyou. His smile failed to reach his eyes. 

“That corner was her favorite place until the end.” 

In that instance, a tiny piece of Kouyou’s heart crumbled. Yuu was _hurting,_ beyond anything a shutdown could repair, and he had seen no other way to cope than to flee here—the one place he was closest to his mother, with the one person who’d saved him from the pain the first time. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kouyou began to wonder whether tonight was truly going to be the most human he would ever see him. 

“I would have loved to meet her. I’m sure she was a wonderful person,” he spoke with a smile, closing the gap between them with careful steps to take the flower from Yuu’s hands into his own. The surface of its many narrow petals was smooth as silk against his skin, a little waxy almost, and it smelled of rich soil and dried herbs. 

“It’s gorgeous,” he said. “Do they have a meaning too?”

Yuu “hmm”ed in response, so Kouyou raised his head to look at him. A mellow glint of that mischief Kouyou had discovered in him earlier had returned to his eyes. 

“I guess you're going to have to find that out for yourself,” Yuu replied, with a bit of a smirk even, then settled his hands behind his back again and continued to wander down the cobblestone path. Kouyou was left staring at his back, the cogwheels inside his head rattling. 

_Did he- Did he just flirt with me?_

Even though the notion did quite delight him, he wasn't granted much time to dwell on it. The walls of plants to their left and right were beginning to thin out and his intense desire to know what lay by the end of them spurred Kouyou on (he would have to google that flower later on though). As it turned out, the footpath opened up onto a meadow, shaped a nearly perfect circle, and the atmosphere was as magical as it had been on the way here. The glass dome arched up above them like a gateway to the sky and the full moon stood in the middle of it like a chandelier engulfing the area in its light. The view captured Kouyou’s imagination unlike anything else. Opposite him on the other side lay the pond whose quiet murmur he’d perceived earlier, the little light balls sashaying awash, and right next to it a staircase spiralled towards the ceiling. Strings Of Hearts plants were covering most of its rusty, white railings and balusters. Upon closer inspection, Kouyou spotted the nest Yuu had mentioned, snuggled neatly in-between three thick branches of one of the mangroves surrounding the water. Every single surface _brimmed_ with moonlight. 

“I can tell why you love coming here.”

“This spot is one of the reasons I love coming here.” 

Well, by this point Kouyou no longer had an excuse to blame the glasshouse for the heat in his face. His lips twitched into an incredulous laugh before he could stop them and he peeked over at Yuu, holding his breath for no particular reason other than maybe wanting to hear his own heartbeat _even louder_ than it already was in his ears? He didn't really know either. But Kouyou knew that Yuu was shaking his head in equally amused disbelief, and that he would gladly listen to his heartbeat at twenty times the volume if it would keep that smile on Yuu’s face for just a little longer; just until reality came crashing back down. It was going to, unfortunately. 

“What happened to your mother?” Yuu asked, all solemn again, making his way across the meadow. Kouyou’s expression plummeted and Yuu noticed the perplexity in his features soon enough. 

“You were talking in past tense. Forgive me, I didn't mean to stump you like that.”

It was on Kouyou now to take a deep breath. In just the blink of an eye the mood between them had changed once again, albeit in a way he could’ve (should’ve) seen coming. Of course Yuu would have picked up on that.

“It’s okay,” Kouyou reassured, following suit as Yuu seated himself on the grass in the center. He placed the white chrysanthemum next to him and stretched his legs out in front of himself. Even the grass here didn't feel real. Instead of sharp or pokey like the fields he’d grown up playing on, this grass was rather … sleek to the touch. 

Propping himself on his arms, Kouyou reclined his head towards the dome and gazed up towards the moon. Its shine was cooling somehow, soothing and not so bright it would make him squint. And he supposed that if Yuu had opened up, it was only fair he did the same.

“I never knew my mother,” he said. “She died giving birth.” 

Silence followed. Kouyou couldn't possibly interpret it correctly. Still he felt Yuu’s glimpse on him like a caress, searching. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, don't be,” Kouyou shook his head immediately. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anybody’s fault.”

Meeting Yuu's eyes confirmed that something within them had changed. It was realization that Kouyou found in them, that they shared a similar pain, and astonishment; at how easily he seemed to be handling it, he guessed, and his guess proved correct. 

“Don't you miss her?” Yuu asked and Kouyou almost scoffed. There wasn't a day he didn't miss her. He sighed, allowing his eyes to roam across the periphery.

“Of course I do. I can't count the amount of times I’ve wished I would’ve known her. But my dad gave me the best childhood I could’ve asked for. I know it wasn't easy raising me but I don't remember any moment in time that I was unhappy, you know? He would always tell me stories about her, advice she would’ve given me, and we had so many pictures of her in our house. He’s always there for me. She is too, in a way. Most of my Eternal genes come from her, you see. My dad is… well, basically human. I haven’t seen him in quite some time, though. He’s a kindergartener and they really need him there.”

Yuu was _still_ looking at him by the time he had finished, but Kouyou couldn't read his expression any longer. Had he said too much? _Oh no._ He sat up, sucking in a breath while his expression morphed into an apologetic grimace, but Yuu was quick to shut him down. The way he shook his head was hardly noticeable though, as if he wasn't really sure of what to do or say himself; the way he averted his gaze was all the more telling.

“Don't worry.”

Kouyou sank back, staring at the flower that lay to his feet wordlessly. _Don't worry,_ he’d said, but now he _did_ worry. If there was one thing Yuu really didn't need right now, it was probably him rambling about how much he loved his father, right? Kouyou's guts churned. He hadn't _meant_ to make him uncomfortable, but now… 

Biting his lip, Kouyou pulled his legs up against his chest and threw a glance sideways. He shouldn’t have. The moment his eyes fell on Yuu's face, illuminated by the moonlight, pain hammered into his chest all over again. Yuu's lashes were throwing shadows upon his shimmering skin, but his eyes… weren't _here._ They had gotten lost, somewhere in the distance, somewhere past the trees and the walls of this building; far away in the memories, just like they had earlier. And Kouyou could _tell—_ Kouyou _saw_ his aura began to tremor at its rim and he knew that if they didn't finally talk about what Yuu had led him here to talk about, he would burst.

“Yuu?” he spoke up, his voice hardly above a mumble. “How do you feel? _Really?”_

The prince closed his eyes and his aura settled, for now. He turned his head and looked at Kouyou, the left side of his face falling into shadows. Even so, as he looked back at him, Kouyou recognized that a long-lost longing to speak from his heart was warping Yuu’s beautiful features. Kouyou said nothing more, knowing he didn’t need to. The only thing Yuu needed was _time._

Eventually, biting his lip, he looked away. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked, and Kouyou nodded. 

“Of course.”

Yuu swallowed, and it was only when he was inhaling deeply that Kouyou realized how ominous the mood had suddenly become. Was he ready for this? His skin felt like it was glowing all of a sudden. His breath hitched.

“I lied. About our night together,” Yuu whispered. “About how it meant nothing to me.” 

Kouyou’s heart palpitated and staggered all the way up into his throat. He almost recoiled. What? Granted he had expected a lot, but this? _Not this._ He licked his lips but they remained dry as leaves and so did his throat as he gulped, forcing his voice into a croak.

“What?”

He hadn’t … meant that? Kouyou _remembered_ last night so vividly; the fear of the answer to his question, the coldness in Yuu’s eyes. It hadn’t been real? 

_How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn’t love me back?_

“I… But…”

“It meant a lot to me. But I couldn't admit it.”

There was nothing Kouyou could have said that felt right. What did this _mean?_ What had kept Yuu from uttering a simple _Yes_ ? Kouyou didn't want to believe Yuu dreaded his own emotions _that_ much, but at the same time he knew it couldn't have been an ego-thing either. Yuu wasn't like that, was he? Kouyou shook his head, if more to himself.

“Talk to me. I don't understand. Please.”

Yuu sat up, uttering a sigh as he hugged his knees to his chest. All of a sudden, he didn’t look like a prince at all anymore. Now all he looked like was a young man weighed down by the centuries on his shoulders, struggling for words. 

“You know, I… I really would have wished for my mother to meet her Ateor before she died. I really wanted that for her.” 

A frown knit Kouyou's brows together. _What?_ But poisoning was inescapable, that much he had learned by now. People _died_ when infected by the wrong person, Suzuki’s book had said so. This didn't make any sense in his mind whatsoever. 

“What? What do you mean she never _met_ him? Isn’t your father…?”

“Their marriage was arranged. Most of them are,” Yuu said and Kouyou’s expression fell as it dawned on him. 

“My father was nothing to her except her husband. When he found his Ateor, they ran all their tests and… her level wasn't high enough, they weren’t in balance enough. So they settled on a deal, that the crown would provide for her, sent her away again and had to find someone new.”

Kouyou shivered at the mere sound of that. He hadn't known any of this. “Your mother.”

“She was the daughter of a duke when they were introduced to each other. Her PL was ten percent higher, she was perfect. And nobody cared that she had met _her_ Ateor only days prior. So she got married off, but of course they never initiated any bond because it would’ve killed her. She had seen him _once,_ and then all she ever got was letters. They never even spoke.”

Yuu scoffed bitterly.

“Can you imagine?” he asked, eyes piercing into Kouyou’s. He seemed to have expected the look of shock and incomprehension he found on his face. And Kouyou thought that he wasn't supposed to be surprised by any of that, that this was how monarchies worked. Still, hearing it from someone at the other end of it was an entirely different matter. Somehow he wanted to return something, anything that would be of comfort, but he couldn't think of a single thing. This was the most emotional Yuu had ever been in the brief time since they had met. His hardened jaw, his countenance and the tension in his body spoke of so much hurt and disdain… It was devastating to look at. Kouyou wanted to leap forward and pull him into his arms and tell him that _he was here_ —but Yuu had already opened up so much, Kouyou was afraid any such knee-jerk reaction would only scare him off. And so he remained silent. 

Once he realized that Kouyou wasn't going to say anything, that he was only going to listen, Yuu blinked and his gaze once again slipped off of Kouyou’s face and into the distance. 

“She wasn't even allowed to answer any of them,” he muttered, a nuance like defeat seeping into his tone. “Every month she would receive them, every month she would lock herself away to read them. He never got a reply, yet they kept coming, for over a thousand years. She hated it. And she never- ”

His voice cracked, and he broke off. A quiver ran through Kouyou’s body, his breathing faltered like it would right before a sob that never came. He had never seen Eternals cry before, wasn't even sure whether they didn't lose the capability with age, but the way Yuu was burying his teeth into his lip was boding ill. The mere thought of him crying was tying angler’s knots into Kouyou's insides.

With stuttered breath, Yuu roughed both his hands through his hair. 

“She never wanted any of that for me,” he said, his voice thick, dragging his fingers across his forehead. “She knew it was bound to happen, she knew that with how high my PL is, the chances of my Ateor being anywhere near acceptable for my father were close to nothing. And so did I. You know? I was prepared for this all my life, I knew what to expect. It was either getting extremely lucky with my Ateor, or getting separated from them. My mother never wanted me to have to carry that burden, but I was willing to. For my people, my family… my kingdom. But the older I got, the more I understood how she was suffering. She was a great mother, a good queen, but court wasn't where she truly belonged. As much as I tried coaxing her into talking to me, she wouldn't. She said it felt like treason. And then she got sick.”

Again, he paused, ordering his thoughts. Kouyou would have given everything to see inside his head, to find something that could help him _help_ Yuu. What was he ought to do? 

His glimpse grazed across the meadow. It’d gotten weirdly cold without him noticing. The pond on the other side was no longer busy with the little spheres of light and its surface now lay swallowed by shadows, black and smooth as a mirror; the only signs that time had even passed. Kouyou couldn't tell how late it had become even if he tried. An eerie shudder trickled down his spine. He had just attempted to gulp down the lump in his throat when Yuu's voice broke the silence again. But this time— this time, the sound of it was so breathy, so _shattered,_ that something inside Kouyou’s mind finally snapped into full-on red alert. 

Jerking away from the nature around them as quickly as his heartbeat accelerated, he tried to latch his gaze onto Yuu’s face, searching for signs of what he was fearing, _begging he would fail—_ only to find them in plain sight.

“I promised,” Yuu pressed out between gritted teeth. “I promised her, Kouyou.” 

Kouyou stared at the tears brimming at the very edges of Yuu’s eyes, glistening beneath the moonlight like tiny oceans beneath the sun. This. _This_ was it _._ Kouyou’s own eyes welled up. 

“Yuu…”

“Her condition,” Yuu resumed, like he had to force himself to pull through before he couldn't anymore, “deteriorated faster than any of our physicians had anticipated. They didn't know what it was, they didn't know how to stop it, they didn't even know how to slow it down. For sixty-one years, all we could do was watch. It made me feel so powerless. But I _knew_ … that she had never wanted me to have to go through what she did. So I promised her. I thought I had more time so I promised her that it was going to be different for me, that I was going to find the one I'm supposed to be with and _show her._ I wanted to show her that I’d managed and that she didn't need to worry anymore. And then- ”

When their eyes met this time, Kouyou was positive his breath was stuck somewhere in his throat. 

“Then I found you. All of a sudden you were right in front of me and our balance was _perfect._ I knew for a fact they _couldn't_ take you away from me, I thought I had made it,” he gasped for breath momentarily, then— stunned silence.

  
  
  


“Only for her to die.”

Every single drop of blood in Kouyou's veins began to burn. They screamed, beseeching him to move, 

_move,_

_m o v e already!_

The distress in Yuu’s eyes was unbearable. Kouyou wiped at the tears on his cheeks and thrust his body out of the rigor he’d frozen into, barely finishing his thought when he’d already bridged what little distance there had been between them. He could not think of, nor did he care for personal space. He scrambled over to him, and Yuu was already reaching out for him like he’d known exactly what he would do, and within the fraction of a second Kouyou had his leg swung across Yuu’s lap and his arms around his neck, pulling him into a stifling embrace. Then he breathed. At long last he filled his lungs with air and let his eyelids flutter close, even if it meant more tears would fall. On his back fingers dug into his shirt, so deep he could feel them dragging across his skin. Yuu burrowed against him, hiding his grief away against his abdomen, and Kouyou braced himself for the wetness of tears soaking into the fabric. But the sensation never came. Neither did relief. Only the grip around his waist and heart grew stronger.

“I’m sorry,” Kouyou spoke, his voice hushed and his words pressed softly into Yuu’s hair as if to mute any and all sorrow. “I’m so sorry.” 

All these years Yuu had been searching for him, _decades_ for most of which he hadn't even been _born_ yet—Kouyou couldn't even begin to attempt and comprehend the pressure and trepidation he’d put himself through. Had he been all alone in it? 

“I wished there was something I could do, Yuu. I really do.” 

“There isn't. It’s not your fault,” Yuu mumbled, shaking his head, pressing his forehead against Kouyou's stomach. “You shouldn't have seen me like this.”

Kouyou withdrew at that, sitting back on Yuu's thighs. After all, there were no tears on Yuu's cheeks, and beneath Kouyou’s hand on his chest, there was no heartbeat. It was the only indication that the man whose gaze Kouyou was trying to catch was, in fact, the furthest away from human one could be. Right now, he couldn't quite fathom it.

Slowly, but determinedly, Kouyou raised his palm to Yuu’s cheek and caressed it gently with the pad of his thumb. 

“Hey,” he said. “Look at me.”

When Yuu did as he was asked, Kouyou felt like it was the first time he really _saw_ him ever since they had stepped foot onto the meadow. He shook his head ever so slightly.

“Your mother wasn't supposed to die. None of us are. But that doesn’t make it _your_ fault either, Yuu. I think I saw exactly what I was meant to see. I think I _am…_ exactly where I’m meant to be.”

“And does it scare you?” 

“It terrifies me.” 

Kouyou drew in a breath, caught off guard by his own honesty. His hand slipped from Yuu’s cheek, his gaze falling down upon the bandage around his lower arm, and he swallowed. There was so much he wanted to say, so many emotions he couldn't put his finger on and so many thoughts he had no words for. It had just so begun to relax, but now his heart started thumping fiercely again as Yuu’s hand brushed around his hip where it’d been resting and settled atop his. 

Yuu, who was gazing at him, waiting like he understood; Yuu, who had bared his biggest pain to him; Yuu, who didn't look a day older than twenty-five. Flawless.

“I’m still so young,” Kouyou burst out, watching how their fingers intertwined. “Of course it terrifies me, the way I feel. I’ve been told it’s normal because of how fresh our connection is but I…”

He bit down on his lip. This was the moment he should be telling Yuu about what he had read, Kouyou _knew_ he had to tell him, but he didn't have the heart to. Yuu clearly wasn't the one supposed to comfort anybody, yet here he was, his thumb drawing circles on the gauze around Kouyou's palm and his lips pressing a kiss to his forehead. Kouyou couldn't bring himself to do it. How much could a stupid old book mean anyway, when things had happened the exact way they apparently weren't supposed to? 

_We’re here now, where we are meant to be._ It was all that mattered.

“When I saw you this morning,” he continued, “in the middle of all that destruction, all I could think about was that I needed to help you. I had no idea how but I _had to_ help you. I knew it like… like I know that you don't cross red lights or like I know that watch hands turn clockwise. And when Takanori told me what I had to do, I didn't even hesitate. I was _so scared,_ Yuu, not of what you would do to me, but of what it would do to you if I did nothing. I knew you needed me, I knew you could’ve killed me. And I would’ve let you, that’s what terrifies me.” 

“Don't.”

Suddenly Yuu's hands were gone; gone from their laps and encompassing his face instead, tilting his head up so firmly Kouyou could but gasp in surprise. Yuu looked straight into his eyes, shaking his head with a gaze so steadfast he seemed like an entirely different person. 

“Please don't ever let it come this far again. Ever. I couldn't forgive myself if I hurt you more than I already did.” 

A single tear rolled out of the corner of Kouyou's eye. His breath left him in a stutter. 

Before his thoughts were gathered enough to form a response, Yuu pulled him into his arms. He sighed into Kouyou's hair, holding him close and it felt almost like time had lost, for this very moment. Kouyou closed his eyes and buried his face into Yuu's shirt; into his scent and his solace, until just sinking into his embrace and never having to come out of it was almost palpable. He couldn't actually pinpoint how long they sat unmoving like this, chest to chest with their arms around each other soundly, simply breathing until his heart had calmed down. Again, the silence around them was so soothing, like a blanket big enough for both of them and all their worries. And for someone who didn't have any body warmth of his own, Yuu's hug was astonishingly cozy, Kouyou noticed. Though not warm enough it seemed. 

“You're shivering,” Yuu’s voice came from above him after a while, just before his palms came to rub at Kouyou's arms. 

Except for his eyes opening again, Kouyou decided not to move. It had gotten significantly darker around them and admittedly, the hairs on his arms _were_ beginning to perk up a little, but he couldn't care less. As long as Yuu would keep on holding him like this, he was going to be fine _thank you very much._

“You’re the one in a tank top,” he grumbled, _and Yuu laughed._ His chest rumbled beneath Kouyou's ear, the sound of it almost as blithe as it had been in the corridors what felt like hours ago. It was magnificent to hear, and even more so as Kouyou realized that it was indeed beginning to cut through the downbeat atmosphere between them.

“I’m also the one who doesn’t have any sense for coldness at all. You do.”

Kouyou huffed. _Fine, he’s right,_ he thought. It could have been arctic cold in here and it wouldn't have bothered Yuu in the slightest. Loosening his embrace, Kouyou withdrew, inevitably coming face to face with him. But Yuu was a lot, _a lot,_ closer than he’d been ready for, and now Kouyou was _staring;_ at his fine cheekbones and his supple skin and his strong jaw and his full lips and into his deep eyes and _now—_ now he was suddenly hyper-aware of where he was sitting again. Yuu only staring back at him like he’d waited for this dance their eyes were currently performing on each other’s faces only made matters worse. It made it so _easy_ to just lean in because by God, Kouyou _longed_ to kiss him. Yuu’s eyebrows twitched as he picked up on his pulse starting to catapult but Kouyou beat him to any comment. This was the most inappropriate time to be thinking about these kinds of things and he was too aware of that to ignore it. Besides, he valued how open and vulnerable Yuu had been with him far too much to taint the moment. 

Frantically, Kouyou blinked the thoughts away and cleared his throat ( _very_ awkwardly), scurrying off Yuu’s lap. As soon as he was up on his feet, he turned his back on him, dusting off his pants, and picked the white chrysanthemum up from the grass where it’d been lying all this time. Only when he felt like his heart wasn't going to drop to his ankles anymore, did he turn to face Yuu again. What they had just been through together had left its mark on him, on both of them, and that was undeniable. Yet Kouyou was happy to note that at least the tension in Yuu’s body had disappeared and he seemed … freer, glad that he had gotten all this emotional baggage off his shoulders. 

After they had walked in silence side by side for a minute or two, Kouyou reached over and grabbed Yuu’s hand once more.

“You know what?” he spoke out. “I don't think you broke it. I don't even think it’s too late.”

The prince looked at him, fresh, bright curiosity in his eyes as they jumped back and forth between Kouyou's and their entwined hands. Kouyou smiled. 

“Your mother might not be with you anymore, but you can still honor the promise you gave her. It’s not your fault it took me this long to be born, but I’m here _now._ You can still keep it.” 

Kouyou inhaled deeply, gazing down at the flower in his other hand. It was so pretty, even in the all-engulfing night that had fallen upon the greenhouse by now and the little light the stars above them provided. 

“I have a lot to learn, I know that. I grew up knowing next to nothing about half of who I am but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll give my best to learn as much as I can. I think you can still keep your promise, Yuu. Your mother wanted you to become happy no matter how long it takes, and you can be now. With me.” 

When they stopped next, they’d arrived by the end of the path already. Somehow the way back had gone a lot faster than in the beginning. Yuu paused, his expression tranquil. Kouyou watched as he lifted their hands to his face and planted a gentle kiss against his wrist, close to the bottom edge of the bandage that hid his bite. Then their eyes met.

“I’d love that,” Yuu said, opening the door that led outside, into the real world. 

  
And Kouyou felt Matei’s smile on them all the way back to the royal tower. But he said nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> god fucking damn it i was so tempted to make them kiss
> 
> ANWAY! UH. If you'd like to know more about harpy eagles like Lola is one, you can check out [this audio!](https://macaulaylibrary.org/asset/76072261#_ga=2.265664971.511685132.1613249751-877186639.1613249751) \- that is the sound Uru heard in the greenhouse so give that a try if you'd like the experience, haha.
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for reading! I appreciate all kudos and comments and support on Twitter more than you'll ever know and I love hearing your thoughts <3  
> Don't forget to [hit the Subscribe button at the top](https://archiveofourown.org/series/884037) if you'd like to be notified when future parts go up. Haha, I sound like a YouTube Channel, sorry. Well then, until next time!


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